Jack’s lifelong 24/7 I.T. support extravaganza

“Hi Jack, how’s it going?

Yeah, I’m a friend of Steve’s – you remember Steve, right? He’s that guy who sat next to you on the train three years ago. Some of my friends have friends in common with you on Facebook so it’s so weird that we’ve never spoken before.

So I hear you’re studying Computer Science, I guess that means you’d know how to fix my laptop hahahaha lololol lmao roflmfao.[sic] … But seriously.”

Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration, but anyone who spends a significant amount of time working with computers or who is studying a computer-related subject has almost certainly been approached by someone looking for some sort of technical support. Now I don’t mind giving a friend some advice, or taking a look at a laptop once in a while, but when I’m contacted on Facebook by someone I’ve never heard of, then questioned relentlessly about how to get rid of the fake antivirus software  they inadvertently installed whilst ‘downloading some – err – music and stuff’ I feel less inclined to help.

What amuses me about the pleas for help from people I barely know is that the conversations invariably start as… conversations, that is, as if I were considered a human being rather than some sort of lifeless I.T. monkey. Typically the friendly conversation lasts a few seconds before some sort of computer issue is mentioned. This not-so-subtle way of asking for help is, quite frankly, insulting, and asking for help by insulting someone’s intelligence rarely yields (good) results. If you approached me and said ‘good evening, you brainless oaf, fix my laptop’ you’d probably hopefully not expect a great deal of help (it’d also be quite impolite). Since it’s basically the same thing, I can’t imagine why anyone who tries the ‘pretend we’re great friends’ approach to getting help expects anything more than the worst advice I can compose.

Below is a diagram explaining how to ask me for technical help: